The Real Housewife of Nigeria, Episode 13
The one about perspective
“Ever been to Detroit before?”
CJ had just landed for his summer break and was washing his hands in the Detroit airport bathroom. The sinks were clogged and there were no paper towels left. The guy next to him was venting out loud.
“Worst place in the world,” the guy continued.
CJ had just flown out of Nigeria on the very day that a Crowdstrike glitch managed to be the loose thread which unraveled the entire internet, especially affecting air travel. He was so delayed out of Lagos so late that he missed his connection in Paris and, finally, after many hours of waiting, had caught another flight into Detroit.
Without hesitation CJ shook the water off his hands and retorted, “have you ever been to Nigeria before?” and left the restroom.
Of the approximately 37 million people who travel through the Detroit airport annually, this guy just happened to be standing next to CJ, someone who had looked forward to landing in Detroit for over a year.
For CJ, Detroit is reminiscent of the suburb outside of it where he grew up and also of his family's “cottage” (what Texans call a lake house). The cottage is located an hour outside of Detroit. It sits on a tiny island that you can only access via ferry, and beside a lake full of clear blue water.
This got me thinking about perspective and how one person’s much longed for summer vacation spot, could simultaneously be another person’s “worst place in the world.” And what is it that shapes whether a place is one of reprieve or one of dread? If only we had the ability to change our perspective easily. And is it possible that Lagos is someone else’s reprieve?
Since arriving back in Nigeria, I’ve been waiting for the wave of anxiety that seemed to follow me last year to return. I’ve waited for some sort of cultural norm, such as being aggressive, yelling or constant honking to throw me in a mental vortex. I’ve held my breath. I think I’m still holding breath, questioning if this new found peace will last.
We’re currently in the rainy season and the weather is as cool as it gets here (80s and cloudy) which is a wonderful break from the usual pounding sun and smothering humidity I left in May. Is it possible I just needed a break from the heat of Lagos? Or maybe the feelings I pinned on being in Nigeria weren’t actually Nigeria, but rather a combination of grief from all we left in Houston, mixed with culture shock.
It's not that things are great here, they aren’t. Y’all got to read about the protest that almost delayed us from returning in last month’s newsletter. And just last week we received a security notice about a murder that happened at noon at a grocery store that many of us on camp frequent. Not to worry! Our security isn’t concerned because it appears to have been targeted. For me, I’m not sure which part of the situation is more concerning, the former or the latter.
Still, overall I feel better.
It's weird how the inertia of life seems to work sometimes. This summer it felt like bad things were compiling, but now, just maybe, the pendulum has swung in the other direction. Because, in addition to feeling grateful to be back, a job found me. I know it's usually the other way around, but this job found its way to me.
At Teddy's pre-k orientation I mentioned to someone that I was an occupational therapist by background. In response, this person asked if I would be open to partnering with the school. Assuming this was a volunteer-type partnering, I agreed. But the next day I had an email from the principal with an informal job offer to work at the American International School in Lagos.
Of all the things I thought this year might bring, a job was not on my radar. But blessings can come in unpredictable packaging, in fact, this is often how blessings come. Of course, I left all my therapy toys and books in a storage unit in Houston when we moved. I had meant to suspend my therapy license when we left America last Fall, but everything was so hectic that I decided to wait until this summer. And then this summer was even more hectic, and I decided to wait until February of 2025, when it will expire and have to be renewed. Now I’m grateful, because for once, procrastination has paid off in a good way.
After the offer, every single logistical concern was quickly addressed. And trust me, when it comes to working internationally, logistical concerns overflow like popcorn buckets at a movie theater: my therapy license (which is Texas specific), a work visa, and navigating taxes. After getting answers and solutions to all this, I accepted. In a week, I’ll start part time work (one day a week with the potential to add another day.) Next month, I’ll only be able to report on what its like to be a part-time housewife of Nigeria.
In preparation for my new job, I’ve been spending some time getting my office ready. I’ll share a room on campus with the speech therapist who seems to be one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. One day while I was up at the school talking to him about his experience working there, he told me that he had come to Nigeria after the 2020 blast in Beirut. The explosion almost killed him and he decided he had to leave. He had been born in Lagos, so he thought he would come back…and there it was. The answer to my summer question. Lagos, is someone’s Detroit…but the way CJ sees Detroit.
I believe traveling, even for leisure, can powerfully affect our perception. Thus in conclusion, I’m sharing a few stanzas from the poem, “A blessing for the traveler,” by John O’ Donohue. I hope if you’re traveling anytime soon, whether for work or fun, that you’ll take this blessing as your own:
“May you travel in an awakened way,
Gathered wisely into your inner ground;
That you may not waste the invitations
Which wait along the way to transform you.
May you travel safely, arrive refreshed,
And live your time away to its fullest:
Return home more enriched and free
To balance the gift of days which call you.”
From the book, “To Bless This Space Between Us,” by John O’Donohue (pg. 55)
Camp News
Most of camp has returned and school is back in session. CJ says it feels like College Welcome week.
Color run is next Saturday! How does a color run work? I’ve never done one before, but we have plans to run around camp and spray color powder on people, which feels right. Have I been trying to make DIY color bombs with some pyrotechnic materials I shipped over here? Maybe. They are NOT as easy as this Youtube video claims. So far I’ve made four, all of which were duds. One, however, did create smoke, a lot of fire and required a quick extinguish with the water hose, but rest assured. I’m not giving up that easy. The smoke bomb adventure continues.
The AC at the company office was finally fixed this past August, so the employees are back in the office (they had been working from home exclusively during repairs). Just a reminder, the AC broke back in MARCH, y’all. I will also add, the original time estimate for it to be repaired was for SIX hours.
We had our first camp block party this past weekend. The social committee had rented about 5 bounce houses, but sadly, our camp electricity situation only allowed for one of them to be blown up at a time, so each bounce house had to take turns being inflated, which felt really on brand, but the party was still a hit. Teddy loved the obstacle course bounce house, all the free ice cream and Fantas and was pretty upset at 11:00 PM when CJ and I forced him to come home and get ready for bed.
Only semi-camp news, but I’ve been going to reformer pilates and out of peer pressure (another spouse on camp) signed up for a giant pack of exercise classes at the gym. Now I have to use them all within a month. I’m gonna do something crazy and let y’all want to vote on my next exercise class adventure will be:
These are all real classes offered at my fitness center. I promise to deliver and report back on whichever one wins, so think carefully about your vote.
My initial thoughts:
Afrobeat dance - I have no idea what Afrobeat dance is, other than I’m probably horrible at it.
Bungee fly - I have no idea what bungee fly is, other than it sounds dangerous.
Aerial yoga - I think you do yoga, but hanging from a sheet from the ceiling.
Nigerian Education Moment:
A note on Nigerian phrases and greetings. Nigerians tend to be more formal in their greetings than Americans. For example, my typical greeting is “hey,” and sometimes, certainly if its a text and I really just want to convey information, I will just skip a greeting a go right to the point. “Dinner at six,” for example. But Nigerians do not see any information as more important than taking the time for a proper greeting. They tend to greet with the time of day “Good morning, or good afternoon, or good evening” before continuing on with anything they say.
They also love to say “happy new month” at the beginning of each month. I really love hearing “happy new month”, because, being American, I hardly even note we are in a new month. But it’s a nice way to welcome the next few weeks. So to you all 1. Happy Labor Day (the Nigerian version is in June and CJ did get that day off) and 2. Happy new month.
I loved this letter. I thought it was one of the best ones yet and congrats on the new job!
I love this shift in perspective-- Thank you for your delightful storytelling that helped me see some things in my own life that could do with a new view. Your storytelling is "chef's kiss"!